What If's and Angels

​Yesterday was a whirlwind day for me.  My son was in an accident that demolished his car.  He was on his way to school when his car was hit by a truck which had run a red light.  

I got to the scene to see the carcass of what was his car, the engine exposed, standing in the middle of the road, surrounded by cops, flashing lights, and  orange cones.  He was already in the ambulance off on the side.  

Although I had spoken to him on the phone after the accident, and knew he was not badly hurt, the scene rocked my world.  

What if?  

I came face to face with a "too close for comfort" almost reality.  What if he had been badly hurt or killed?  There was nothing that I could have done to protect him today, and there is nothing I could do to ensure he will be safe in the future.

All of the related emotions swarmed me. Fear and helplessness took a momentary hold.  Grief, for something that did not even happen, descended.  I could have lost my precious boy.

Eventually, grief gave way to gratitude.  I was grateful that he was safe.  That nightmare was not mine today.  I sat next to him in the ambulance, while they checked his vitals.  He was shaken, and he was whole and he was well.

It is so easy to focus on the  moments that break our hearts, and bring us face to face with our worst fears.  It would be so easy to begin to try to control the uncontrollable.  This approach is the anthesis of living, and would steal the joy of being alive.

In my grateful state I "saw" a bigger picture.  I saw that goodness and kindness show up first.  The angels, perfect strangers, who stopped their cars and ran to help and comfort him.  The ones who chose to stay to make statements to the police, when they could have driven off to their day.

I "saw" the police officers, and the EMS team,  soften and empathize with me.  They see this (and worse) everyday, but in the moment - I had their undivided attention, care and concern.

I felt deep gratitude for "my people", the ones I called at the time when I felt most vulnerable and scared,  as my mind played out the alternate, horror scenario,  The ones who make me feel safe, and accept my fragile state and my "fall apart".  I was not alone.  

​I was grateful that tomorrow, I would go back to life as usual, with my precious son.

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